your voice still carries a lot. It wasn't the rule. Mainly it was that you premptorally dismissed her very minor concern that could have easily been dealt with, and that these last few days it feels you've really been hanging out with Sean while we've been a third wheel. You both reacted badly, but instead of trying to defuse things you poured gas on the fire. I have been forced in to the role of a middle man, which is the norm, and tried to salvage things a bit. honestly I thought you had grown up a bit more and understood yourself and mom better. if you do plan to talk to her I suggest you try being the better person, swallow your pride, apologize for what you said because no matter how wrong she was, you were wrong in your reaction too, explain you overreacted, but that you think she overreacted too and ask what has been bothering her. The only way to not make this worse is to lead off with 'sorry'
do you honestly think anything I could say would change your indignation? I want to help, but I don't think you want to hear it. I can tell you now if you go forward with what you plan it won't be nice or healthy for either of you. I'm answering work email .. I got nothing scheduled, but I would like to get to sleep in a few hours ... if you want to improve your relationship and not just get her to approve of what occurred, because that will never happen.
I am sad, but unsurprised. well, if you want to alienate most of your family because a 65 year old woman with anxiety issues who hiked 2 miles in the desert sun and lost her dog, job and husband in past few years got pissed off at some minor bullshit and called you a name .. well .. that is up to you. I thought you claimed you were an adult. was the purpose of this visit for you to be awesome or have a good time with family? some times you just have to chill and let some shit slide. it's no fucking fun, but that's life, and that's family. she'll be dead soon - why care so hard? chill out and end this on an up note.